Not too long ago, love between men and women in their seventies was rare and
was considered inappropriate by some. But baby boomers are changing all of that.
New attitudes about self, the desire to continue to experience healthy, happy,
and fulfilling relationships later in life are opening up new opportunities for
today's older men and women.
At the turn of the 20th century, the
average life expectancy was about 47 years of age and the few people that lived
beyond that were not sufficiently healthy or independent to consider marriage.
Thanks to advances in medicine and the availability of education on how to take
care of oneself, the average life span today is about 72 years for males and 79
years for females.
As we live longer, the number of widows and widowers
are increasing as are the number of divorced men and women. For those who are
considering relationships later in life, the question of what to do about
living arrangements as we age has changed to what to do about
loving arrangements. People today are recognizing that they have half
of their lives left after the last child has left the nest. And they want to
make the most of it.
Those who marry young build their lives together.
They grow together, deciding the course of their lives and their likes and
dislikes. Their money is usually thrown into the same pot and they accumulate
savings and investments along the way. For those who marry when they are older,
many have already determined their lifestyle, already have family traditions,
and have worked a lifetime for the money they do have. In addition they may have
grown children and grandchildren.
It is clear that these marriages have an entirely different landscape and set of considerations from those experienced in younger years. In my work with these couples, I have uncovered several important questions for couples to think about if considering a commitment later in life:
- Where shall we live? Your place, my place, or a new place?
- What do we do with cherished possessions that we have accumulated from previous marriages?
- How do we handle our money? Do we split living expenses down the middle? What about our investments and savings?
- How do we try to blend families of grown children and grandchildren? Where do we spend holidays? Which family traditions around these holidays do we honor?
- How do we divide the chores that it takes to run the household?
- How do we plan for the possibility of death or disability on the part of each spouse? How will these plans affect our children?
- How do we determine how much time and/or money we will spend on each of our children and grandchildren?
As with any couple, those who come together later in life also argue over a lot of the same things they did when they were younger.
- Sleep habits. Snoring, watching TV in bed, time of retiring for the evening and getting up in the morning.
- Driving habits. Whose car to drive.
- Degrees of tidiness.
- Decorating the home.
- Maintaining the home.
- Dealing with change. Some are more flexible in this area than others.
- Maintaining individual domains. Many of these individuals have lived alone for awhile and have established their own spaces and habits.
While the list of issues these couples face may be long, they really don't have any more issues to settle than those who marry young. The primary difference is that they have lived enough life to know that they have issues that need to be settled.
Those who become couples later in life are anxious to get on with living
their lives and do not want to spend a lot of time rehashing old problems. While
the ride may start out a little bumpy, these individuals are trail blazers.
Their experiences in earlier years can help making planning and enjoying their
lives in their boomer years all the better.
And because they have had
these early relationship experiences, they can problem solve more effectively
and find common ground and compromise much more quickly. Today's baby boomers
are definitely paving the way and setting the pace for up and coming generations
-- and could we expect anything less from this dynamic generation?
Copyright © 2008 by Tereasa Jones. All rights reserved in all media.
Tereasa Jones Certified Relationship
Coach
www.CoachedLiving.com 918.787.6900
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